More Crazy necessary...

From deep in the Lone Star, Kelli from Grand Prairie, Texas says...

I am a twenty something woman and I think I got married too soon.  My husband was always the playful, funny, charming guy in my high school but I'm starting to realize that his charms are more "external".  When I try to talk to him, he quickly dismisses my thoughts or "blows me off".  I've discovered that I can't talk to him anymore, about anything, like I used to (if I ever really could).  Is there anything I can do, to save my marriage or make him a better, more open, communicator?


Yep, ongoing in our "communication" series, the all important, how to talk to people that seem like they don't want to talk at all.  Or about important, tough, topics...
And we have to rewind for a bit, mabes it's time for a history lesson..!

A long time ago, people only "had" each other.  A family was usually a man, his wife and their children.  And though these people were all busy, doing their own things, occasionally, they would get together and talk to one another (I know, I can hardly believe it too...)
When they would talk, it wouldn't be just how's your day or, that's some weather we got there.  It was "significant", it was meaningful and it made families feel "close" to one another.
Then one day, a funny thing happened.  The radio was invented.  And all of the sudden, families didn't have to rely on speaking to one another for their "entertainment" or to kill time.  They could listen to someone else's voice.  And they didn't have to talk back.

Then one day, the television was invented and again, people no longer needed to talk.  They could listen.  And watch.  And the participation level became quite one sided huh.
Soon, whole generations of people, grew up without the need to talk to each other.  They became lazy as the technology became better.

In our present time, well it's "accepted" that deep conversations are "bad" or undesirable.  Nobody wants to talk about things because it feels really foreign to us.
Given a choice, would we rather watch a tv show that's interesting, or talk to our spouse and be the interesting one..?

So this communication thing, well it's very difficult for some of us.  We've grown up having only to "text" simple thoughts to convey our messages and texting, well it's easy.
It takes some honest work to be able to write in complete sentences (I should know) and it takes even more effort, to speak intelligently and (real important here) honestly.

Consider it an exercise.  Or that your mind and tongue are muscles that have to be worked with, they have to be built.
I would explain to your spouse, that you simply have to be able to communicate and the better, the healthier (and happier) your relationship will be.
Try to start small, try to find something that he's interested in, even if it's just a video game that he plays.  Get him to start talking and encourage it when he tries.

It's also what we need to do with our children.  Teach them that texting is bad because it allows them to grow lazy.
Practice speaking, practice communicating and watch as many others, line up to talk with you.

The most crazy time...

In our own backyard, Jean Anne from Sandusky, Ohio says...

All of my girlfriends are pregnant or already have children and I seem to be the last.  I've seen how much they struggle with their kids and I wonder, what's the best advice you could tell me about becoming a first time parent?


Ah yes, the first in what will surely be, a "multi-part" series...
This question is something of "the beginning" and it's important to note, that my answer is a very positive perspective nestled in a very negative world.
When it comes to our children, we try our best.  Sometimes our best is simply not good enough but if we keep this perspective in mind, well it won't be our worst effort you know.
And that's it for the disclaimer..!  A lot of people and places will give you big, broad generalizations for parenting but here at the Crazy place, I'm going to give you "exacts".  So while it may seem like a totally insane tactic, it will take you to happy-healthy-kids spot (eventually)...

Okay, so you're thinking about procreating, babies screaming sounds like music to your ears and poopy diapers are golden easter eggs of delight.
The very first thing I need you to do (and understand) is clear the next five years from your schedule.  Brush all that clutter off the table, and the countertops (you're going to need that space).
If you have a job or a career that you've spent a long time "investing in", quit or ask for a leave of absence.  Think I'm crazy, because I haven't quite got this locomotive up to speed yet...
Now hopefully you have an excellent partner and "hopefully" he (or she) has a decent job, a source of income, and if leaving your job means you have slightly less money to provide for your new family, don't worry about it.
Money is one of those cluttering things you were supposed to brush off the counter remember.  Let it go and understand that to your child, well it's only green paper and it doesn't even feel very nice when you wipe the butt with it right...
Yes you need a roof and baby food, electricity is nice.  But when we step back for a bit, when we study the end results (which we'll get to "eventually"), well your child needs something a smidgey more important than money.  They need you.

So okay, first on the list is good, checkmark.  One parent stays home "full time" while the other works.  And actually, you don't want one parent doing all the programming here.  What should be the goal, is to switch every few months.  One parent stays home, then the other stays home, you alternate right.
For the first five years.  Do not send your kids to "daycare".  Remember one key fact for a minute.
During these precious first five years, your child is as impressionable as he (or she) will ever be.  If you show that child during this time, how to be short tempered or how to show anger, it will take whole mountains crumbling to "reshape" that later.
You want to "imprint" them with the best possible role models and you want to avoid them being impressed upon, by poor examples of humanity.
Don't leave your child with the daycare people because they're going to teach your kid all about negativity.  Don't leave your kids with the crazy uncle who drinks and curses all day every day.
Also, when I say stay at home with your child all day every day, I don't mean "leave your kid in the swing while you smoke and play video games".
I mean, spend some real time with your kids.  Dedicate and do it right, all day for five years.  Be as perfect as you can.
And okay, holey phunk man!  You want me to sacrifice my job, maybe a career I've spent "years" climbing the shaft ladder...  You want me to stay at home and not be lazy, not ignore my screaming kid and also, what, be "perfect".!?
Like that's too much crazy and this train's starting to lean on the turns Bishop..!

The small secret here is, work with your baby.  Stimulate that little noodle, make noises for his (or her, again) brain to absorb.  Exercise them (I really can't emphasize this one enough)!
Even if they can't walk (or crawl), move their limbs for them.  Carefully!  Stretch and flex them almost like someone recovering from an accident or like a muscle therapy session.
If they can't crawl yet, teach them how to roll over, how to hold things in their fingers.
Anything and everything you can do, to make them work so that, wait for it, here it comes...  So that they take a healthy nap!
You want something around an hour and a half, maybe two and you want it right around noonish (or whenever the house is quietest).
Because not only is it good for you child, to rest and grow, to "build".  But it's also good for the parent huh.
And really, in the next five years, it's the only "break" you get but it's one you should get, every day.  And honestly, if you do this properly, you can get a five year old to take a short nap.  Remember, they need the exercise and if you're saying hey, my kid wakes up after fifteen minutes, well it's probably because you didn't bounce 'em around the backyard all morning or you gave 'em some Mt Dew for brunch (don't give your kids high sugar caffeinated junk huh...)

In this way, your kids will learn to be and do, exactly what you want them to.  If you pay attention to them, you can protect them, teach them and give them all the programming they will need, for the rest of their lives.
Work with them, give them crayons and show them how to write and color.  Show them flashcards of letters and animals and amaze your friends when your child can read at age three.
If you play video games or have a computer, show your child how to operate both.  Video games take a lot of heat sometimes but they will gift your child with excellent hand-eye coordination.  The sooner they can type and move a mouse, the sooner you can plop them in front of an educational game and I don't know, wash more dishes huh.

The most important part, worth more than the money, is time.  Your time.  The more you spend with your child, the more he (or she) will turn out exactly like you.  And if you're switching with your partner, at the end of the five year marathon, well your child will be a perfect replica of everything that is good about you, and your partner.
So let's look down the ole train tracks for a moment.  Let's see what a child whose parents spent some real time with them "looks like", compared to a child that was left at a daycare...
And oh my goshes.  Like, totally different, don't even know where to begin to compare eh.
The child (and I struggle to label it that) is so, almost a young adult already.  Like so sad you want to laugh but can't.  Almost (and I should probably put that in quotation marks again...)
"Almost" grew up too fast if you can believe that.  I mean this kid can read at a third grade level before starting kindergarten.  Can write his (or her) name clearly enough for others to read it.  Can count to a hundred.  Can talk and enunciate perfectly, can ask questions and know when to stop asking questions because they're driving somebody crazy with their fifteenth "why".
Can turn on the tv and navigate to the cartoon channels with a remote.  Knows how to surf the internet for Disney and NickJr flash games (that also helps 'em learn).
But what is overlooked a lot, what you can't see from the outside sometimes, is personality.  Like this kid can talk to others, kids and adults.  They can carry a conversation because they aren't "shy" by any means.
They know superheros and music and culture, they have a sense of humor.  And I suppose I can write a dictionary sized book about how simply "developed" these kids are.  They listen to others, they're perceptive, aware, they obey and they even understand punishment and why it's important.
And next to the kids that went to the daycare, well, it's truly sad.  Somewhere between laughing hysterically on the way to the funny farm and just falling to the knees and weeping...
So before I list a bunch of negative qualities and hurt some people's feelings, I'm simply going to say that those poor kids whose parents thought that money was more important, well they are the exact opposite of everything I wrote earlier.

But now we're really rollin' huh, I think the caboose fell over and we're just dragging it, knockin' down street signs and telephone poles, maybe a mailbox here and there...
Fast forward.  You put your kid on the right path for their first five years, pointed them in a great direction, the rest is downhill.  Cake, easy, serious-problem free.  Someday they go to college, they get an excellent education, a great job and they send money home to poor old mom and pop so they can quit their crappy jobs at the gas stations and restaurants.
You put your kid on the wrong path in their first five, they get into trouble at school.  They get kicked out of that school and you have to move because everyone in town knows that you're that kid's parents.  They don't go to college because they knocked up some other "wrong path" chic (or the opposite, you know, you might have daughters, eek!)
They can't find a job anywhere, they have no friends and they have to move in with you and eat your groceries that you bought from the gas station where you work.  They spend their time drinking in your basement and wondering where their life went wrong, never knowing that it happened before they had any real control over their lives.

So the big answer to this question is...
If you consider yourself a great person, there is no reason why you (and your partner) can't raise an awesome child.
If you don't consider yourself a great person or maybe your partner is less than perfect (or not present), don't have a child!
Think back for a second.  When you were growing up, how much time did your parents spend with you..?  If your parents were like mine, the answer is "no, no real time".
For me, the only way I could learn from my parents is if I paid attention to what they were doing and even then, nobody ever taught me "how" to even pay attention in the first place.
So if you're wondering why your life had some problems in it's beginning, if you wonder why some people seem to have things more "figured out", well the answer is usually traced directly back to our parents.
All you have to do is ask them if you went to daycare once upon a time.

How to speak crazy...

Our next question from the edge of the world, Samantha in Salmon Creek, Washington writes...

Hello Bishop, I have to say that I simply love reading your posts!  I really feel like I know you and you always seem to remind me of someone I once knew, like an old childhood friend that I haven't heard from in forever.
So I have some young sons and they're at that age where they've discovered that if they type "boobs" or several "other" keywords in the search bar, that they're instantly bombarded with images of naked ladies and pornography.  I've tried looking for help online but nothing seems to give me a "positive" answer.  Can you tell me what you think?


Oh my goshes, my first real tuffy huh..!
Two things first, two important things so get out your notebook...
First, we should "never" tell anyone to suppress feelings (or thoughts, ideas you know).  We should especially not tell our kids to avoid things or to not have curiosity.  When we do tell our children not to "do" something, especially if we feel really certain about it, it almost becomes like a challenge or a "dare" to them.
What we should strive to do, is explain why we think they shouldn't do something, because of the consequences that would be negative if they did.
But absolutely, write it down, do not tell your kids to "never" do something.  If you can see the logic behind reverse psychology, it's almost better to tell your kids that yes, they should try to smoke some crack "someday" (just once) because it will make them pay more attention at school maybe, than to tell them to "never" try it, see what I mean.
Second, and this is another critical one, you have to be able to communicate with your children.  If you did your parenting job properly up to this point, you should be able to sit down and talk to your child, about any subject, no matter how tough.
How do you do that exactly and can that be another question with a "full" answer..?  Yes and okay, I'll put that on my "to do" list huh.
But for right now, we're assuming that you "can" talk to your children and that they "will" sorta listen to you.  Or at the least, they will consider your input without thinking the opposite of everything you're saying.

So okay, you can talk to your kids (oh and congratulations if you made it this far, I know that's not an easy task to accomplish sometimes...)
What you want to say is that some things in our world are highly addictive.  Okay, crikey, "lots" of things in our world are dangerous addictions to have.  I mean the list goes way beyond drugs alcohol cigarettes coffee caffeine skydiving eating...
And the problem with these things is not when they're being "used".  I mean people are usually pretty cool with their morning coffee and smoke right.  The "problem" arises when these addictions are not sated.
And much like all the others, nudity and pornography are right there, right in front of us all.  Like never has it been more accessible to everyone everywhere (and I'm betting it will only become easier to acquire, can you see a day when our schools have an "emergency" room for kids that need their "fix" all the sudden, I mean we can't have little boys pullin' down girl's skirts at recesses eh...) 
So the problem, and this is what you need to tell your kids, is that not only is nakedness addictive and you will constantly want to come back for more...  But that it "depreciates" or that they will become tolerant to it and subsequently, require more and crazier images (or videos) to achieve the same result.
And okay Bishop, you're not really telling us anything new or useful here, can we fast forward to the point where you tell us what to actually do..?

So you've told your kids about the dangers of looking at pornography.  You've also explained that it's "okay" and normal to have these urges.  I mean were not going to suppress what's been ingrained and programmed into us for a millenia or three huh.
What we want to do is monitor their viewing.  We don't want to cut it off completely, I'm not a fan of the "nanny filters" you can install on a computer.  This method means you get to install it once, wash your hands of it and bam, your "involvement" is finished.  Because many times, your child will find a way around it (remember, they're smart, very determined, and they have the world of information at their fingertips with probably a lot more time to invest than you eh...)
So my "official" recommendation, is to find something called a "keylogger" program.  This is a computer program that works in the background, very similar to a filter, it's completely invisible and pretty hard to detect (and work around).
And what it does is record everything that is ever typed (some will even capture screen shots every minute or so).  So you can access a log, see what your kids have been looking at and where they've been, without them knowing how you're doing it.
As far as I know, keyloggers work on just about every platform.  You might have to do some learning, you "do" have to be careful because this can be considered a "virus" and your computer might attempt to reject it.  Remember, this is very close to how hackers steal your passwords or credit card info.
So if you need more help, installing a keylogger or even learning about which one "works", which one I'd recommend, well I'll type you some instructions and some material to investigate (but not here).

The key is to show our children how to ever so slowly, sink into the dark cold water that is our "adult" environment.  If they are slowly exposed to things, well the mind (and soul) can adjust, it can acclimate and grow to be resilient of many "vices" (always have faith in our kids).
If they are one of the many to jump into the deep end without a lifejacket, well your job as a parent might not be very easy in the near future.

Craziest "long version" ever...

From the deep unknown of Savage, Minnesota, Lemm asks...

Okay Mr Black Bishop.  What kind of a name is that anyway, Catholic?
I'm a young single guy and I'm finding it incredibly difficult to find a "decent" woman out there.  I mean I was taught growing up, to aspire and hope and reach for my dreams.  But when it comes to finding a great partner to share my life with, why do I keep getting so extravagantly disappointed?
Is there any hope for any of us anymore and how did you meet your Mrs Right?


Wow, best question ever..!
My name is a chess term, a Bishop that occupies only dark spaces and no, I'm not Catholic.
As to if there's any hope, well yes there is.  But without knowing some of the obstacles you're facing, I could write a book the size of an encyclopedia (remember those) and still not answer your question or address your issue, know what I mean.
If you want to write back with more specifics, I'd love to help or offer some suggestions.
As to my story, well sometimes you can only give the short version for so long huh.  So here it is, in all it's "glory", the long version...

When I was about fifteen, my parents went through a messy divorce.  I was the oldest of my siblings having a little sister and brother so I guess I took the brunt of the damage or something.  Or maybe it was that I could see and understand more of why my parents were fighting.
The weeks dragged on and my dad tried to convince my mom why she should let him stay (he cheated on her, like repeatedly...)
He said it would be better for the kids if they didn't divorce, my mom said no, it's hurting the kids more.
So when the time came, my dad turned to me and asked me who I wanted to live with, my dad or my mom.  I cried for like ten minutes and when he insisted I answered.  I said, my dad you know (I'm a boy, my dad is my role model, I mean, I don't want to grow up to be a mother right..?)
My dad looked at my mom as I uttered those words and said well I'm sorry Bishop, you can't come with me because I don't know where I'm going and you have a home here (with my mom).
So I helped him move all of his things into the old family van.  I tried to ignore the way he cried as we waved each other good bye you know.
Before he drove away, he said well Bishop, you're the man of the house now.  It's your job to protect and lead and you know, keep your mom happy, good luck with that, you'll probably fail as I did because your mom is such a poopy head...

So for the next few years, I wanted nothing to do with my mom or my dad.  I started my teenage rebellion years and I didn't really recover until many years later (if at all.)
I never wanted kids, never wanted to procreate, never wanted to disappoint and hurt them like my parents did to me.
So I was careful with my girlfriends.  I knew I never wanted a child you know, like swore and carved it deep across my heart, in stone "never"...
When I was oh, about twenty five ish, I met a woman named Raven.
She had twin sons about two ish and had just divorced their dad (apparently he thought he might've been gay for a while there...)
She told me the story about how they were high school sweethearts, went to school together, graduated together, moved into an apartment right out of high school, you know, livin' the "dream" huh.
When they decided they wanted kids, they found that they couldn't, no matter how hard they tried.  So they went to fertility specialists, they tried everything they could you know, the ice bags on the junk, the pills...
So eventually, they banged it out and she had twins (probably because of all the tactics and tricks they tried, hell it wouldn't surprise me if she had eighteen fetuses, or is it "feeti"... in there and only two "made it", that's how hard they were trying...)
After having those two, the doc said you know, you probably won't be able to conceive ever again, no matter what you do, your "area" is too abused or something.

So for a couple of years, Raven and I hung out, we were good friends and we helped each other through some tough times.
We both really liked sex and once it was discovered that we didn't need "protection", we really started having frequent sexcapades eh.
Fast forward a while and the Bishop and Raven know there's nothing really "there".  We weren't very emotionally attached to each other, we were friends but not "relationship" material.  She was too wounded from her ex's breach of trust and I didn't really want to play "daddy" to her boys.
So we kept it friendly.  Okay, lots more sex than "friendly", maybe some green smoking, some casual drunkeness occasionally...
I can remember that where I was living at the time, I had no washing machine nor dryer.  Raven said I could use hers if I wanted, if I brought her some juicy nuggets of weed.
I'd do laundry in her basement, she'd smoke and laugh at my jokes and bam, we'd be naked.

So the years went by and one day, she said I think I'm pregnant.
I said uh, what and no, no that can't be...
She said I felt something "kick" and I need to see the doc.
I said well you're not keeping it.  You're not going to raise my child and tell him that his daddy didn't want him and left him...
She said he's my miracle, I never thought I could have another child and now that I do, I can't part with 'em.
I said well this isn't how it's supposed to happen, we can't try to raise a child together, you can't give 'em up..?
So we cried for about three months.
I told her that I would rather die than make the same mistakes that my parents did.  Or, that I would rather my child die than go through life like I did.
So I told her she had two choices, she could give 'em up for adoption (or abortion) or she could let me stay with her and I'd try my best (reluctantly) to be perfect parents.
She said no, that's not real acceptable.  I'm keeping him unless I die or someone kills me and you know you can't stay, you can't get along with me and agree on stuff especially when it comes to my other kids (who are about to become your son's big brothers...)

And oh my gosh, just remembering those days makes me sweaty with goosebumps.
I had nightmares where I stabbed her in the night, ripped the baby from her belly and drowned it in the bathtub.  I had thoughts of killing her, her twins and myself.
I begged and pleaded and threatened and tried to bribe (of course I had nothing).  I tried to tell her how it would be, years from then when we would fight constantly and hate each other and our children.
And in the end, she was stubborn and I realized I could not end her and take from her kids, what was taken from me.  No matter how I tried to slice it, somebody was growin' up without a parent present.  My choice was to fail or to fail, trying.
We're going on eleven years together and some stuff has been really rough.  We fought for a while, we learned how to live together and even how to love each other mabes.
Our kids are pretty decent and we try to spend lots of time with them (it keeps them outta trouble).
Our marriage may have been forged in fear and tears and betrayal but nowadays, we're almost a model for how other parents should be, because of my dedication and Raven's stupid stubborn passion.

I fault my wife for a lot of things (and she faults me too), but way way deep inside her, she has the most loving heart of anyone I've ever encountered.
Yes rough on the outside, she's a Taurus and I'm an Aries, but inside, through all the cynicism and criticism, she's a good person.
And she loves me, I guess I can't forget that one huh (and don't tell anybody but I love her too...)

Longing for more crazy time...

From way out in San Bernardino, California, Sarah writes...

I met a "pen pal" friend with a Craigslist ad in the Strictly Platonic section a while ago.  I think we've typed to each other for maybe three months but our conversations have been very deep and personal.  I know that he is married and happily, but my heart longs for him, I am a huge moth to his bright flame and no matter what I do, I can't get him out of my mind, or my heart.  I don't want to attempt to come between him and his wife but I can't keep squishing my heart like this.  Now I can barely type to him because I'm trying to contain my feelings but I suspect he's starting to wonder where I went and why my communicating is declining so rapidly.


Let's see I can think of only a couple of times when it's good and "beneficial" to suppress your emotions and feelings...
Going to the doctor for a colonoscopy and nope, I'm wrong, I can't think of any others.
Suppressing our feelings is generally bad, harmful, destructive, insert ten more negative adjectives here.  You simply need to express yourself, on some level, at "some" point.
Where is the harm in telling your married friend that you think you love him?  You will feel guilty if he responds with the same..?
You will be disappointed if he doesn't?  Are either of those two emotions better than what you're feeling right now?  I mean at least you will have tried your best, you will have "done your part" in the matter.
Would a cat claim that it would "love" to be able to fly, in order to chase more birds or would that cat say, meh, I'll never be able to fly, what's the point in dreaming and hoping..?

Do what you must, be who you are, say what needs to be said or you will slowly start to dislike yourself and we all know where that leads to.

A crazy sense of grammar...

Jeff from Charleston, West Virginia writes...

Your blogsite appears quite professional yet you use words like "kinda" and "sorta" along with a handful of others.  You also abbreviate constantly and appear to make up your own words for grunting sounds.  How is this possible or appealing in any way?


Yeah Jeff I've tried and I simply can't stop doin' it huh.
It's the way my brain thinks, the way the sun rises despite our desires to sleep in, the way those silly fish jump upstream just to lay their eggs and die...
I swear I slept through some English classes in high school and I graduated (eventually) what more can you really ask for..?
I think because I'm not "texting" and abbreviating every word, maybe I'm the weird one I know.
If you have trouble translating, I offer a How to Speak Dummy course on my other website, it's at Google.com.

Thanks for your question my friend..!

A stroll through crazy park...

Our second question comes from Janice in Bloomington, Indiana, she asks...

My girlfriend and I discovered her boyfriend on a singles website about a year ago.  I decided I would create a page as a woman named Lana, complete with gorgeous picture, and attempt to see if he would hook up with me, to prove to my girlfriend that he was cheating.  I typed to this guy for almost a year, always explaining that I couldn't meet, always making an excuse to keep in contact yet staying at arm's length.  Now I think I have fallen in love with him and I want to say how sorry I am for deceiving him for so very long, but I'm afraid he will not want me after I confess.  Is there any way I can preserve any type of relationship with him?


Wow you started a relationship based on a lie, maybe I should say congratulations but that doesn't seem to fit eh.
If you put a crack rock in front of a crack head, what do you think will happen..?  Maybe ten times out of ten let's say?
If people aren't happy in their relationship or if they're going to "cheat", well pretending to be someone else that they'll drool over, probably isn't going to teach them huh.
To say that you fell in love with him, well you have to understand that this day and age, has done "something" to us.  The technology has made us lazy maybe, we can conceal ourselves better than ever.
So the person you "know", from emailing and texting, well they're just a persona.  They're just what that person wants you to perceive perhapsies.
If you sit with them "in person", in real life, you can see that they're all about playin' with their phone and smoking.  Whereas "online", they can seem like the best prince charming out there.

Don't ever fall in love with someone's words because words are cheap and easy to concoct.  Fall in love when you are close enough to touch them...

Once upon a time in crazy land...

Our first question (ever) comes from Marie in Weymouth, Massachusetts, she writes...

I recently celebrated my sixtieth birthday and all I really wanted was a simple hug from my oldest son.  I visited his house and spent some time with his family but while I was there, my son remained upstairs, unwilling to let me even see him.  In the past few years, I have not heard his voice nor seen him with my own eyes and I wonder if there's any way I could just tell him that I still love him.


That's a tough question Marie, it makes me instantly wonder what happened a "few years" ago and if you could address that with him or fix it in some weird way.
I think if you can't talk to him about it, if you can't type to him, then it might just be irreversible.  It was too significant to your son you know.
In the end, all you're holding onto is your own sadness, your own sense of grief and loss and it's something you have to learn to accept.  As if your son died a soldier in a far away land.

Let it go and know that you'll see him again one day, maybe not when you'd prefer, but eventually.  Be ready to speak of what happened then.