From deep in the Lone Star, Kelli from Grand Prairie, Texas says...
I am a twenty something woman and I think I got married too soon. My husband was always the playful, funny, charming guy in my high school but I'm starting to realize that his charms are more "external". When I try to talk to him, he quickly dismisses my thoughts or "blows me off". I've discovered that I can't talk to him anymore, about anything, like I used to (if I ever really could). Is there anything I can do, to save my marriage or make him a better, more open, communicator?
Yep, ongoing in our "communication" series, the all important, how to talk to people that seem like they don't want to talk at all. Or about important, tough, topics...
And we have to rewind for a bit, mabes it's time for a history lesson..!
A long time ago, people only "had" each other. A family was usually a man, his wife and their children. And though these people were all busy, doing their own things, occasionally, they would get together and talk to one another (I know, I can hardly believe it too...)
When they would talk, it wouldn't be just how's your day or, that's some weather we got there. It was "significant", it was meaningful and it made families feel "close" to one another.
Then one day, a funny thing happened. The radio was invented. And all of the sudden, families didn't have to rely on speaking to one another for their "entertainment" or to kill time. They could listen to someone else's voice. And they didn't have to talk back.
Then one day, the television was invented and again, people no longer needed to talk. They could listen. And watch. And the participation level became quite one sided huh.
Soon, whole generations of people, grew up without the need to talk to each other. They became lazy as the technology became better.
In our present time, well it's "accepted" that deep conversations are "bad" or undesirable. Nobody wants to talk about things because it feels really foreign to us.
Given a choice, would we rather watch a tv show that's interesting, or talk to our spouse and be the interesting one..?
So this communication thing, well it's very difficult for some of us. We've grown up having only to "text" simple thoughts to convey our messages and texting, well it's easy.
It takes some honest work to be able to write in complete sentences (I should know) and it takes even more effort, to speak intelligently and (real important here) honestly.
Consider it an exercise. Or that your mind and tongue are muscles that have to be worked with, they have to be built.
I would explain to your spouse, that you simply have to be able to communicate and the better, the healthier (and happier) your relationship will be.
Try to start small, try to find something that he's interested in, even if it's just a video game that he plays. Get him to start talking and encourage it when he tries.
It's also what we need to do with our children. Teach them that texting is bad because it allows them to grow lazy.
Practice speaking, practice communicating and watch as many others, line up to talk with you.
